IRISH: American vessel, please divert your course 15 degrees south to avoid a collision.
NIMITZ: Negative. Recommend strongly that you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid the collision.
IRISH: American vessel, it is urgently recommended that you divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid the collision.
NIMITZ: Negative. Recommend again strongly that you divert your course 15 degrees to the North.
IRISH: No. I say again, divert your course!
NIMITZ: This is the USS Nimitz. We are carrying 34 F-14 Tomcat Fighters and 28 A-6 Intruder Bombers. We also have 13 Destroyers and 5 Heavy Cruisers. We DEMAND that you change YOUR course north 15 degrees otherwise you will enter our zone of exclusion and we will take appropriate measures.
IRISH: This is the Croaghaun lighthouse on Achill Island. Your call.
(pause)
NIMITZ: You f**** Irish think you're so damn good! Coming to our country and running the police and fire brigades. I'm f**** sick of it all! If you don't like America then go home!
IRISH: I am home. This is Ireland, not America. Why don't YOU get out of our territorial waters and go home?
NIMITZ: Well... because... um...
IRISH: Hah! You can't get out of this one yank! I'd like to see you and your pretty warships try to sail through an island!
NIMITZ: USS Arkansas, are you listening in on this?
ARKANSAS: Yes Nimitz.
NIMITZ: Please launch nuclear attack upon Irish Lighthouse at 53.981° North, 10.204°West. 10 Megaton yield.
IRISH: Hold on a second!
NIMITZ: Set warhead for groundburst.
IRISH: No wait!
ARKANSAS: Roger Nimitz, missile launched. May God have mercy on their petty souls.
And that's the story of how Croaghaun lost its lighthouse and why there's a massive hole where it used to be:
1 comment:
Ha ha ha! There were some good moments there because as I read it I actually thought it was real until the bit at the end when I didn't.
;-)
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