Great band, bad album cover #1

The Who - Who's Next

You have to hand it to The Who. In an age which worshipped guitar gods like Hendrix and Clapton, The Who produced a Rhinomegaloid guitarist whose speciality was to smash his hands against guitar strings in a "windmill fashion" - a process which involved shredding... of his fingers. The Who also produced the archetypical unconcerned and bored Bass player, the archetypical crazy drummer and the archetypical muscled blond looks of a Robert Plant lookalike. In short, the Who were neither popular pretty boys like the Beatles or dark and mysterious like the Rolling Stones. Instead they were, well, just ugly blokes who played energetic music (as opposed to Pink Floyd, who were ugly blokes playing progressive rock).

There's much we can thank The Who for in this album. Without this album we wouldn't have Baba O'Reilly synthesizing over our airwaves or David Caruso putting his glasses on while Roger Daltrey screams during "Won't Get Fooled Again" (one of my favourite songs ten years ago).

But just look at this cover. A seemingly abandoned freeway pillar aka monolith from 2001 stands upright in a barren landscape, its concrete vertical presence in stark contrast to the teenage wasteland around it. In 2001: A Space Odyssey, the monolith acted as a turning point in the evolutionary history of mankind: The apes discover the black monolith sent by the unseen aliens and learn to use tools and weapons; the astronauts discover a monolith buried in a crater in the moon, which sends a radio signal to Jupiter and to a gigantic portal that Dave Bowman enters and suddenly everyone begins tripping on LSD. But what are the members of The Who doing? What are those wet patches on the concrete monolith? Yes, the band urinated on it - see, they are even doing up their flies. Forget the question of why the band didn't just wee in hole somewhere and implicitly looked for a vertical object to pee against like the proverbial dog looking for a tree and instead delve into the symbolism of it all. Yes - the Who were implicitly telling the aliens, telling the future of mankind, that they not only refuse to evolve and better themselves but will actively fight against it. The symbolic act of urination is like a defiance of a potential future, as though the embrace of Rock and Roll would lead to a devolutionary human future which, of course, became reality when the Duran Duran started dominating the airwaves.

So the cover is, on the surface, a picture of four guys who've urinated against a concrete block and, below the surface and behind blue eyes, a defiant rejection of human progress.

U2 - October

Look at the poise of the four lads from Ireland. Bono, at the back, stares vacantly into the distance, probably at an industrial smoke stack and wonders how the feck they got it stay upright; Adam, at the front, carefully examining the inside of his blond fringe; Edge, on the right, staring daggers at the roadie chatting up some groupies behind the photographer; and Larry, the drummer, blaming you, the viewer, for his diarrhoea. In the background we have, well, some sort of boat, a dock, a bit of water, the side of a warehouse and a residential tower block in the distance.

If there is a phrase that describes this cover it would be "We haven't the time of money to indulge in anything artistic - I'll just get me camera and I'll take a picture of you all in that place where the garda found that dead body last week. And don't argue - I'm your manager and I know what I'm doing." Of course, like the ugly duckling that eventually grew up to be a deformed, genetically inferior swan, so too does this bland and amateurish album cover hide bland and unfocussed music within.

The Stooges - The Stooges

Without the Stooges the world wouldn't have had the Sex Pistols singing about their chronic lack of enjoyment. Within the album there are some classic songs about wanting to become someone's pet dog, about accidentally falling over, about the effects of cold changes on average temperature, about their unease of something or other, and of miniature toys for young girls (amongst others). The songs are actually pretty good ("We will fall" is actually a proto-post-punk song).

So when the band members got together to pose for the album cover, you can imagine what went through their minds, namely "Let's scare people into buying this album!'. Iggy is at the front, his mop wig covering his cranium like a Wermacht helmet yet not long enough to hide the contemptuous "I am going to vivisection you" look. Behind him and facing the opposite direction, is guitarist Ron Asheton, silently pleading with you to run, run, RUN before Iggy captures you while simultaneously expressing his own hopelessness at being trapped inside this evil band. Behind Asheton is Dave Alexander, whose cruel eyes indicate that he is Iggy's gimp, responsible for capturing and subduing you and having his own fun before handing things over to Iggy for the torture and eventual coup de grâce. Behind Alexander is drummer Scott Asheton, Ron's brother, whose crazed eyes and hint of a smile show that he will be the one who dances around, covered in your blood and entrails, once Iggy has had his way with you.

The Smashing Pumpkins - Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness

What is going on here? We have a zombie Elizabeth Bennet emerging from a transdimensional portal located in the centre of a flat gold star floating in a stylized solar system. What is she doing? Well as a Zombie Elizabeth Bennet she is undoubtedly looking for the handsome, rugged and financially secure brain of Mr Darcy, who, of course, represents D'arcy Wretzky, the female bass player of The Smashing Pumpkins. How did Billy Corgan manage to successfully bully the band members into creating such a travesty of an album cover? Simple, he paid them lots of money.

Mellon Collie is obviously a play on the word melancholy, which is quite depressing really. Infinite Sadness obviously means being sad forever, or at least being as sad as anyone can get. Yet despite all their wage the band is just a bat on a lathe because, after all, Elizabeth Bennet didn't end up infinitely sad after marrying Mr Darcy did she? Yet the Pumpkins and the fans became quite sad when Wretzky left, subverting Austen's work by replacing her with Melinda Auf der Maur, who put out more and turned the wholesome 19th century romantic tale into a sordid 1980s sex and violence video nasty involving the severed trunk of an undead woman flying around on stars. Thus the woman on the cover represents the feminine purity of Elizabeth Bennet whose relationship with Mr Darcy / D'arcy Wretzky has been severed, killing both the relationship and the band's creative output as Auf der Maur takes over. Think of replacing Liz and Mr Bennet's wedding scene with the music video of The Everlasting Gaze, except with more blood and more crying, and you will see what I mean.

But then again I could be wrong. I mean, a chick on gold star flying through space can mean an infinite amount of melancholy things. What it doesn't mean is a good album cover.

A critical analysis of Beatles lyrics

Fun is the one thing that money can't buy - She's leaving home.

Considered one the Beatles' more "mature" songs, "She's Leaving Home" outlines the story of a young woman moving out of home without her parents' knowledge. There's certainly an interesting juxtaposition between the eager resolve of the young woman and the grief and pain of her parents. Yet all this is undone by this inane line in the final stanza. Has the young woman learned self respect? Has she learned the importance of controlling her own life? No. She's having fun and, despite empirical evidence suggesting that currency can be utilized to procure fun inducing goods and services, it is not because of money.

And in my hour of darkness, She is standing right in front of me. - Let it Be.

People have tried to interpret this song theologically, assuming that McCartney is a closet Catholic who has visions of the Virgin Mary. ("She" in this line being "Mother Mary") The reality is that Paul McCartney was speaking about his mother, who is named Mary and was in the habit of appearing in front of McCartney in the darkness. The problem is, of course, how does McCartney see his dead Mum standing in front of him when everything is dark? I suppose she could be glowing, but then it wouldn't be dark any more would it? Didn't think of that did you Paul? That's why Wings folded (ha ha.... wings folded... sorry).

You keep all your money in a big brown bag inside a zoo. - Baby You're a Rich Man.

There's all sorts of things wrong with this song. Who are Lennon/McCartney talking to? A literal baby? Yet if it was a literal baby then why call it a "rich man"? And if not a literal baby, why not a symbolic baby - a babe, woman? Yet why call the woman a "rich man"? And if not a woman then why not a man? And why would you call a man "baby?" And why does writing this remind me of Phil Spector and firearms? All terribly confusing. Yet this rich genderless and ageless person keeps his/her money where? In a big brown bag, and not just any brown bag, a BIG brown bag, and not just any coloured big bag, a big BROWN bag to boot. And yet despite the fact that inflation in Britain during the sixties was getting out of control, this genderless and ageless person keeps the money not under the bed, but in a zoo. Is this a metaphor for the city... the high world of finance existing in a concrete jungle that is totally unlike a zoo? Either that or he/she/it thinks he can hide his cash in the elephant enclosure.

Flew in from Miami Beach BOAC. Didn't get to bed last night. On the way the paper bag was on my knee. Man I had a dreadful flight. I'm back in the U.S.S.R. - Back in the U.S.S.R.

For the record, the British Overseas Airways Corporation never had direct flights from Miami to anywhere in the Soviet Union. And what about Georgia? Is this some veiled referential support for Stalin? Or was it a secret desire to escape the shackles of godless communism and return to the deep south of the USA? Too confusing Paul. That's why Wings folded (ha h... oh).

You say it's your birthday. It's my birthday too, yeah. - Birthday.

The chances of randomly discovering that a stranger you met has the same birthday as you do is somewhere in the region of 4 in 1461. I can imagine the sheer oddity of this occurrence being memorable to some. But to write a song about it?

She's a prick teaser, she took me half the way there. - Day Tripper.

This is about as Spinal Tap as you get with Beatles Lyrics. "Sex farm woman...".

Hope you need my love babe, Just like I need you. - Eight Days a Week.

Surprise surprise, we might think that Robert Plant was the first to substitute "Love" for something a little bit more base but, as usual, the Beatles got there first. Maybe McCartney could sue Zeppelin for publishing rights?

And it really doesn't matter if I'm wrong, I'm right. Where I belong I'm right. - Fixing a Hole.

I can't understand why so many redneck Americans got so uptight and angry over the Beatles back in the sixties. The idea that one can have a strong opinion about something they know little about should've made them and The Beatles get along fine. After all, the mass of the four human beings who made up The Beatles would've been larger than the mass of the physical body of Jesus.

And when I feel my finger on your trigger I know nobody can do me no harm. Because happiness is a warm gun, momma. - Happiness is a Warm Gun.

Momma? The addition of that final word turns the line from being sleazy into being rather disturbing. But just as the Beatles pre-empted Zeppelin's redefinition of "love", so too do they delve into the deep and dark morass of Freudian interpretations of Oedipus and thus pre-empt The Doors. Jim Morrison wasn't so original after all was he?

Tell me, tell me, tell me your answer, You may be a lover but you ain't no dancer. - Helter Skelter.

The addition of the double negative "You ain't no" ensures that the line fits rhythmically but not grammatically. He's literally saying "You may be a lover but are not no dancer", meaning the woman (I assume it is a woman) may be a lover but is also a dancer. The most logical explanation of these lines is that one of the Beatles had a sexual relationship with one skilled in the arts of choreography in an amusement park somewhere. Either that or it was a secret code ordering us to follow Charles Manson.

There are places I remember all my life though some have changed. Some forever not for better, Some have gone and some remain. - In My Life.

The key to understanding this line (and thus the whole song) is not that the places have changed, but his memory of them have! Hence "There are places I remember all my life, though some (memories) have changed." Early onset dementia is a terrible thing to experience and John Lennon's experience of it (which resulted in him being permanently beer-goggled, hence Yoko) is a lesson for us all to remember. If we can.

When I get older losing my hair, Many years from now, Will you still be sending me a valentine, Birthday greetings bottle of wine? - When I'm Sixty Four.

Sadly the odds are that either the love of your life has died, or else is taking legal action against you. Or maybe both.

Suicide in Art

For whatever reason, I discovered the Wikimedia Suicide in Art category. So for your edification, here are some suicide attempts throughout history.

Suicide by wearing blue pantaloons. Source.


Suicide by self-inflicted gender realignment surgery. Source.


Suicide by falling asleep after playing with knives. Source.


Suicide by gaining weight until knife pierces heart. Source.


Suicide by looking exceedingly ugly (and stabbing the wrong part of your chest). Source.


Suicide by lying down near the docks pretending to sleep while a man smoking a pipe watches you until you starve to death. Source.


Suicide by being drunk and stupid in front of your army buddies. Source.


Suicide by finding a really, really bad place to urinate. Source.


Suicide by ripping down the shower curtain and hoping Norman Bates will attack you. Source.


Suicide by drunken, debauched sorority party. Source.


Suicide by suddenly looking up at the wrong time. Source.


Suicide by lighting crew. Source.


Suicide by eating too much at Christmas. Source.


Suicide by imbibing American brewed lite beer. Source.


Suicide by crowd-surfing at the coliseum. Source.

Mordor is in North Korea

Consider:

The Ryugyong Hotel is Mount Doom:

Juche Tower is Barad-dur:

The Arch of Reunification is the Black gate (painted white):

And what about the darkness that dwells in Mordor? No electricity:

The abandoned village of Panmunjom between North and South Korea is the abandoned city of Osgiliath, lying between Gondor and Mordor:

Annatar was Sauron's name when he had a fair visage to deceive the elves:

Parable of the burning state

Inspired by this:

California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger remained upbeat today about the progress of the state's devastating wildfires.

"Hopefully we can adjust the direction of the fires towards more heavily populated areas. The more homes it destroys, the better."

Economists around the nation have reacted swiftly to the news of the fires, calling it the beginning of the end of the subprime crisis.

"With thousands of houses already torched beyond repair and tens of thousands more likely to perish, this mass immolation will reduce the surplus supply of houses in California." said Professor Saul O'Hara of the New York School of Economics today. "With a drop in supply there will come an increase in prices, which will then reinvigorate the state's, and the nation's, property market".

Steps have already been taken to ensure the destruction of as many houses as possible. Earlier today, Governor Schwarzenegger called in the California Air National Guard to begin fire bombing the Inland Empire.

But despite the efforts of California's bravest, the Governor has called upon neighbouring states to help, as well as Federal Assistance.

"Our men are doing a great job - as of 30 minutes ago Palm Springs and Fontana have been reduced to smouldering ruins as a result of the Air National Guard. But there is still so much to do - so many more cities and houses to burn to the ground. Our men are tired. We need federal assistance as soon as possible."

President George Bush was unable to comment, but sources say that he was "willing and able" to send as many troops and munitions as possible to the area.

President-elect Barack Obama, however, criticized the federal government's slow response to the crisis.

"The people of America need hope. They need change. They need more than just a few hundred of California's finest. What they need is an entire squadron of B-52s dropping incendiary bombs in as many built up areas of the state as possible." Obama said

"We should start in the poorest parts of Los Angeles. South Central, Compton, Inglewood..."

Leaders at the G20 summit reacted positively to the news of California's immolation, some suggesting that the global economic crisis may have even reached its bottom.

"The news of California's fires has encouraged the entire world" said UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon "Hopefully the destruction can spread across the entire United States, causing house prices to boom and re-employing the millions of unemployed to refurbish and refit any properties that remain."

Former Russian President and current Prime Minister Vladimir Putin, also at the G20 summit, pledged to send any support he can.

"We have 100 brand new Tu-160 strategic bombers ready at a moment's notice to enter US airspace." Putin revealed, "President Bush needs only say the word and I will order them to attack."

Dow futures rose considerably on the news.

"The more houses that are destroyed, the more current house prices will appreciate and the more chances we have of burning our way through the current recession" said Bloomberg Analyst Layton Ken. "When most of America's houses have gone, the housing market will boom".

Governor Schwarzenegger, however, warned of over-optimism.

"At this stage we have an entirely localized immolation. We are doing our best to stoke it but our resources are few. There is a real danger that the fires might go out. We need to pray that God sends rain... of fire".

Make sure you verify your sources

Jesus' presidential bid panned

Jesus Christ, the central figure of the Christian religion, has been panned by critics on both sides of the political divide after he entered the US presidential race.

"This guy, this guy thinks he's the Son of God for crying out loud!" said talkback host Rush Limbaugh, "He thinks he's the Messiah! How can we allow an effete elitist like Jesus run our country?"

Armed with Jesus' biography and the writings of his followers, political commentators have had a field day.

A panel on Fox News debated Jesus' biography, called "The Gospels", and showed up just how out of touch the candidate is.

"For starters, why was it necessary to have four different biographies?" asked right wing author Jerome Corsi, "Four different accounts of Jesus' life. And you know what - there is still so much missing. What happened to Jesus in between his time visiting the temple with his parents and when he called his first so called 'disciples'? What was he doing? Which school or college did he attend? Given his secrecy and his attitude towards sharing wealth, I would say that wherever it was was as socialist as they come."

Corsi also indicated that he had an unnamed insider who has spoken to him recently about life inside Jesus' inner circle.

"This man, one of Jesus' closest advisors, came to me personally and spoke about how much he hated the man, how much he despised his teachings. This man spoke about his misgivings on how money was spent in the organisation and gave examples of people wasting resources that could have been used more profitably. This brave man kept his thoughts to himself and kept his mind free from the cult-like atmosphere that pervaded Jesus' inner circle. He should be an example for us all!"

Free market promoters are also concerned with Jesus' economic ideas.

"Jesus and Jesus' followers commanded their people to redistribute money. I mean where is the incentive in that?" queried Grover Norquist, "And you know what happens when you don't bow down to the powers that be and reveal your taxable earnings? Well, God strikes you dead. Ananias and Sapphira, were supposedly killed by God, but more likely they were executed by the fascist state that Jesus' followers were implementing in order to frighten others into subservience."

Others have serious questions about Jesus' attitude towards terrorists.

"It says here in one of his biographies that we should 'turn the other cheek'!" said Hugh Hewitt "Does Jesus seriously think we should become the world's punching bag? If the country followed Jesus' teaching we'd be overrun by Islamofascists within days. Not to mention the complete shutting down of our armed forces which would leave our proud men and women in uniform without the means to support their family. Jesus is anti-America, anti-freedom and hates our troops!."

More seriously, Jesus' teachings have come under fire from religious conservatives like James Dobson.

"Jesus tolerates sin. There is no doubt about it. When confronted with an adulterous woman he steps in and prevents the natural course of justice with some tortured rhetoric. Not only was he destroying the rule of law, he was more or less condoning her behaviour. Jesus was saying to everyone that sexual immorality is fine! More than that, I have yet to find any mention in Jesus' direct teachings that addresses homosexuality or abortion. Fine, he says 'let the little children come to me' but where does he define when a person comes into existence? And the fact that he doesn't even talk about homosexuality must mean that he secretly endorses it. Jesus is as liberal and as effete as they come." Dobson argued.

Bill O'Reilly focused more on Jesus' attire. "I mean here's a guy with long hair, a beard and a robe. He's a hippy! He's an unwashed hippy! No wonder he gets his followers to wash his feet for him. That's what it says in his biography! It's all there on the public record - Jesus orders his followers to wash his feet!"

Jesus' entrance into the presidential race has also angered many progressive commentators and politicians, not least his stance towards women, as Hillary Clinton noted.

"When Jesus started his ministry, how many of his 12 special friends were women? I mean forget the fact that there were some women disciples... I'm talking about women in leadership here. And when the church was formed, how many books written by his followers were written by women? Weren't there intelligent, faithful women in the church who could contribute to the narrative? Apparently not. From the moment he turned up looking for disciples, Jesus was a macho misogynist!"

Episcopal Bishop of New York, John Shelby Spong, criticised Jesus' teachings about other religions.

"Jesus teaches only one religion. Only way way to God. Only one truth. There is no room for debate or different experiences. In a pluralistic society is Jesus the right man for the job? We've already had seven and a half years of a president who somehow thinks God talks to him and who is rigid in his views. Do we need another one?"

Spong also continued about Jesus' view of sexuality

"Although Jesus never spoke about homosexuality, his followers certainly did and the only opinion they had was that they were against it. More than that, Jesus and his followers frowned upon any form of sexual expression outside the rigid boundaries of a monogamous, church blessed heterosexual relationship. If Jesus becomes president and Jesusism is promoted through faith-based government programs we will see an America in which sexuality is repressed and the state using its muscle to enforce a particular brand of sexual belief. Is this what we want for America? For the state to control our private lives and tell us who we can be in bed with?"

Martin James, a psychoanalyst and member of the center for American progress, wrote on his blog recently about Jesus' psychological problems and why they would exclude him from being a serious presidential candidate.

"Jesus was the first child in his family. A lot of weight and expectations were forced upon him from a young age. Then his father died. Since then he has been projecting his dead father into his so called relationship with God, as though he was God's specially anointed son sent to the earth to save it. Jesus suffers from delusions of grandeur, a Messiah complex and deep seated emotional problems due to an unhappy childhood in which his natural father dominated him. But instead of his father's death being a release for him, it made his psychological condition even worse as he began channelling his impaired relationship towards a personal deity instead. A person as psychologically wounded as Jesus would never make a good president, let alone a productive member of modern society."

Meanwhile, in middle America, Jesus' candidacy has not gone down too well.

"I have no idea what he stands for" said Sally Unwin, a librarian from Nebraska, "I suppose I could read his biography and all but its so wordy. There's a lot of people out there who hate him, that much I know for sure. I wouldn't be surprised if someone gets a gun and kills him, you know?"

Ha Ha Funny

This is an actual radio conversation between the American Aircraft Carrier USS Nimitz with Irish authorities off the west coast of Ireland in October 1985.

IRISH: American vessel, please divert your course 15 degrees south to avoid a collision.

NIMITZ: Negative. Recommend strongly that you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid the collision.

IRISH: American vessel, it is urgently recommended that you divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid the collision.

NIMITZ: Negative. Recommend again strongly that you divert your course 15 degrees to the North.

IRISH: No. I say again, divert your course!

NIMITZ: This is the USS Nimitz. We are carrying 34 F-14 Tomcat Fighters and 28 A-6 Intruder Bombers. We also have 13 Destroyers and 5 Heavy Cruisers. We DEMAND that you change YOUR course north 15 degrees otherwise you will enter our zone of exclusion and we will take appropriate measures.

IRISH: This is the Croaghaun lighthouse on Achill Island. Your call.

(pause)

NIMITZ: You f**** Irish think you're so damn good! Coming to our country and running the police and fire brigades. I'm f**** sick of it all! If you don't like America then go home!

IRISH: I am home. This is Ireland, not America. Why don't YOU get out of our territorial waters and go home?

NIMITZ: Well... because... um...

IRISH: Hah! You can't get out of this one yank! I'd like to see you and your pretty warships try to sail through an island!

NIMITZ: USS Arkansas, are you listening in on this?

ARKANSAS: Yes Nimitz.

NIMITZ: Please launch nuclear attack upon Irish Lighthouse at 53.981° North, 10.204°West. 10 Megaton yield.

IRISH: Hold on a second!

NIMITZ: Set warhead for groundburst.

IRISH: No wait!

ARKANSAS: Roger Nimitz, missile launched. May God have mercy on their petty souls.

And that's the story of how Croaghaun lost its lighthouse and why there's a massive hole where it used to be:

Another 15 minutes

The LA Times mentions some awful jokes I wrote about Peak Oil.

I hope Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp reads them and gives me $1 million for being so damn good. Until then I will continue to work as a casual teacher and blog.

Space 1999 - The Dorks

Tony's attempt to create a Margarita doesn't impress Koenig.


Men in Beige - protecting the universe from alien dorks.


The crew of Moonbase Alpha are huge fans of Fox commentator Bill O'Reilly.


In the 21st century, unisex hair designs make it difficult to discern gender.


Maya has an acid freakout after being hit by a green spotlight.


After her acid freakout, Maya needs cocaine.


Little did this man know that his grandson would play cricket for England.


Red alert is announced, and a red light flashes for everyone just in case they forgot.


Moonbase Alpha's plumbers get ready just in case the base septic system overflows.


As the base is attacked, overweight Alphans rush to protect the bases' donut stores.


Alphans reel in horror at the sight of a bright, reddish-white hot thing blocking the corridor.


In the confusion of being attacked, Tony punches Frank for making a pass at Maya.


As the battle progresses, Koenig falls asleep.


Koenig continues to sleep as the aliens stop their attack.


The alien leader gives her gang sign to frighten the Alphans. The Moon, along with most of Inglewood, now belong to the Crips.


Strangely enough, Judge Dredd is helping the Crips take over Alpha.


Carter does his "hello boys" routine to confuse the aliens.


The lights are on, but no one's home.


"Help me! I'm trapped behind this wall!"


Maya enters the alien Hair Salon. The hairstylist in the background assures her everything will be fine.


The hairstylist reels in horror at her creation.


Maya is unhappy with her do.


Koenig "presents" himself as a way of getting Maya back.


What we were after now was the old surprise visit. That was a real kick and good for laughs and lashings of the old ultraviolence.


"Welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, well. To what do I owe the extreme pleasure of this surprising visit?"


Koenig admires the man's uniform. "I must get one of those" he thinks "Helena would love it".


"No time for the old in-out, love. I've just come to read the meter."


"You needn't take it any further, sir. You've proved to me that all this ultraviolence and killing is wrong, wrong, and terribly wrong. I've learned me lesson, sir. I've seen now what I've never seen before. I'm cured! Praise Bog! I'm cured!"


"So, what are doing now that the show has been cancelled?"


"Cancelled? Nooooo!!!! Is this the role I'll be remembered for? You have to be joking! Where's the Producer? I'm going to kill him!"


"And then I saw Catherine Schell chasing him with an axe..."

Space 1999: The Dorcans. (This'll be the last one for a while).