The results are now in. The presidential poll that you all participated in - and which has been approved by all sorts of reputable polling agencies as being 103% reliable and totally objective in its nature - has been completed. Here are the standings:
At the bottom of the ladder lies Harry S. Truman, Dwight D. Eisenhower and John F. Kennedy with 6 votes each. This doesn't mean that they were good presidents, but it does mean that those clicking on the poll probably didn't have any opinion of them. Obviously Hiroshima, Nuclear testing, Foreign Coups, McCarthyism and Marilyn Monroe have no real effect on today's web surfers.
In eighth place comes that cuddly Teddy-bear Gerald Ford with 8 votes. Maybe some of you didn't realise that Ford is America's only unelected president - and that he pardoned Richard Nixon for Watergate? Whatever, his shortened term in office obviously ruffled few feathers in the OSO-visiting community. He is also responsible for "Operation Bootstrap" which gave Homer Simpson a job.
In seventh place comes Mr Malaise himself - the Nobel Peace Prize winning James Earl Carter Jr. Considering the almost universal belief that Carter was a "loser", obviously the OSO-visiting community did not realise that he was instrumental in creating the 1980 world recession, failing to rescue the Iranian hostages and, in 1969, sighted a UFO. The man whose brother invented "Billy Beer" garnered 11 votes.
In Sixth place is Mr Vietnam war himself - Lyndon Johnson. Maybe people today can forgive the guy for over 50,000 American dead because of his war on poverty and his penchant for drinking Fresca. LBJ garnered 13 votes.
In Fifth place is Mr. Smooth, Bill Clinton. Obviously Bill's relationship with an intern struck a chord of dissatisfaction with many, but reminds us of the good old days when the government ran budget surpluses, episodes of the X-Files were interesting, and when Gaddafi was better known to Americans that Osama. I don't know, maybe some of the OSO-community didn't like Hillary either. Clinton managed to gain 15 unhappy votes without any form of inquiry as to why that was so.
In Fourth place comes the most shocking of all revelations of the OSO-community - their belief that Richard Nixon didn't deserve the no.1 or no. 2 most hated spot. I mean c'mon guys! The guy was a complete Jerk! Tricky Dick managed to get 20 votes, although some may have been placed on an audiotape and erased.
Coming in equal second place is the dynamic duo of Ronald Reagan and George H.W. Bush. The fact that these guys have been rated so poorly (in comparison to Nixon) mysifies me. I mean - look at Reagan. He spent the first half of his term eating jelly beans, dissing Russia and having bullets removed. The second half of his term he spent trying to remember what happened in the first half. Meanwhile his advisors ran the country. Reagan was a good actor when it came to being the prez. His offsider, George #1, seemed a little strained throughout his reign, with a thousand points of light illuminating the fact that there would be no new taxes until "HaitchDubya" said there would be. The high level of dissatisfaction amongst OSO-readers is probably due to the fact that he fathered the no. 1 nominee. Both HaitchDubya and Raygun got 21 votes each.
No guesses for the no. 1 bad president. George W. Bush appears to be going where no other president has gone before. No president in living memory has so divided the nation - with around half the nation in blind love as they beheld their saviour, and the other half in blind rage at the appearance of a political antichrist. These days the numbers appear to favour the antichrist view, and only time will tell whether the man they call "&^%&#@#!!!!" will actually make it to 2008. GWB got himself 28 votes.
From the Department of Attempted Humour
© 2005 Neil McKenzie Cameron, http://one-salient-oversight.blogspot.com/
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 2.5 License.