Admissions of guilt

I have done the following:
  1. Participated in a comedy sketch in an outdoor arena in front of 20,000 people.
  2. Had a NSW politician write a letter to the Sydney Morning Herald to complain about me.
  3. Seen an Australian Prime Minister using a urinal.
  4. Talked cricket with the author of Schindler's List.
  5. Been eyed suspiciously by Viv Richards as he walked past.
  6. Preached in bare feet.
  7. Ridden a motorbike around a race track.
  8. Forced a product recall for a medical device.
  9. Stood in the shadows on a dark night and saw an innocent woman look nervously in my direction.
  10. Walked out on a striptease.
  11. Used Star Trek in a sermon illustration.
  12. Filmed a secret British Tank being tested.
  13. Wore camoflague gear on a regular basis.
  14. Broke my wife's toe.
  15. Been rescued from a rip.
  16. Genuflected in church.
  17. Left a Pearl Jam concert too early.
  18. Signed my autograph for fans.
  19. Been banned from driving for three months.
  20. Wet-shaved twice in one day.
  21. Contracted food poisoning from my own cooking.
  22. Won a 110m Hurdle race.
  23. Won a game of cricket with my bowling.
  24. Killed a dog.
  25. Eaten Haggis.
  26. Been described as "a pig" by a cafe-shop owner.
  27. Had not one, but two school students vomit in class.
  28. Been drawn as a caricature of the devil.
  29. Played Santa Claus.
  30. Stood guard over a slab of concrete.
  31. Pretended to deliver flowers to a girl.
  32. Recieved a royalty cheque.
  33. "Died on stage" doing stand-up comedy.
  34. Started a bushfire.
  35. Pushed an aging dowager into a pool.
  36. Driven a car in a desert in summer with no air conditioning.
  37. Convinced someone to use Linux instead of Windows.
  38. Had surgery on my nose.
  39. Built my own computer.
  40. Had letters published in The Sydney Morning Herald, On Being, The Briefing, Australian Cyclist Magazine and The New York Times.
  41. Purchased Kittel's Theological Dictionary of the New Testament for A$100 on ebay.


Anonymous said...

Preached in bare feet? Pah!!! I preached at a youth camp in from of 50 hip and groovy teenagers wearing beige socks and sandals. And I am not from Germany. Christine Caine I am not!

Anonymous said...

Point 23 is dubious to say the least. For crying out loud, I did top score with 41! And took a wicket and a couple of catches. Also, one of the people you converted to Linux has since changed his oe her mind due to the number of things it cannot do. Even I have played Santa Claus. And his elf twice. Some of these posts are quite alarming ...