ReformSoft, a Presbyterian software company, has reported that Reformed theologian Lorraine Boettner would still consider communism a threat to Christianity if he were alive today. How do they know this? They have created a Lorraine Boettner emulation program.
"So much emulation software today has been focused upon re-creating original Pac-man, Space Invaders and old Atari 2600 games for their modern PC" says CEO Scott Dylan "We went a step further and decided to create software that emulated a dead person. And what better dead person to emulate than Lorraine Boettner?"
Lorraine Boettner studied Systematic Theology at Princeton Theological Seminary under C.W. Hodge, graduating in 1929. He taught the Bible at Pikeville College, Kentucky. He was the author of seminal 20th century works as The Reformed Doctrine of Predestination, Roman Catholicism and The Christian attitude towards war.
"As soon as the code was written, we downloaded the entire Wikipedia site for the program to digest as background material. As soon as it had finished, the software reported that Communism was still a threat to Christianity" Dylan said.
Readouts viewed by this writer confirm this situation. The Boettner software's prime concern was that Christians everywhere need a better understanding of Communism and how to fight it.
"Interestingly, the software seems to see Communism and Roman Catholicism as essentially the same thing. We couldn't really understand it when the software referred to the 'Politburo in Vatican City', but deeper analysis confirmed this link."
Dylan sees a huge market for the Lorraine Boettner Emulation Software amongst Christians and conservative non-Christians alike. "I think every person will be thrilled to have the wit and wisdom of Lorraine Boettner at their fingertips" he says.
ReformSoft's next project is slightly more complex, and involves studying every issue of Banner of Truth to emulate the archetypical Reformed Pastor. This software is due in the Summer of 2006.
From the Department of Attempted Humour
© 2005 Neil McKenzie Cameron, http://one-salient-oversight.blogspot.com/
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