2005-07-29

Clairvoyant says Keith Green is unhappy in hell

Keith Green, the deceased Christian musician, is apparently quite unhappy about being in hell, according to Christian Clairvoyant Jenna Gilmour.

"He says that he was quite surprised that, after his untimely demise in a light plane crash, that he should end up burning in hell rather than enjoying paradise in heaven" she said.

Keith Green was Christian music's foremost musician and preacher during the late 1970s and early 1980s. His albums included For Him Who Has Ears to Hear, No Compromise and Songs for the Shepherd. In 1982, after he and his wife, Melody Green, started Last Days Ministries in Texas, the Christian singer was killed in a light plane crash along with some of his own children.

"He can't understand it" laments Gilmour "He says that after a lifetime of good works and giving glory to his maker, that the same maker should condemn him to hell. He's still trying to work it out."

Gilmour also points out that Keith Green has been recently forced to join a county and western band headed by the late Johnny Cash. "He hates it. He didn't realise that the Devil loves country music. He's been forced to play the drums, which is tortuous because he's a musician, not a drummer"

Keith Green's ministry was popularised in 1970s America during a period of painful retrospection for the nation. The failure of authorities to deal with inflation and rising unemployment, the malaise in politics due to Watergate, the after effects of the Vietnam war and anti-establishment feelings from the "Hippy" revolution during the 1960s led to a "crisis of confidence". This affected the church as a whole, which was struggling to remain influential during this tumultuous period. In the midst of this came Keith Green, a modern-day prophet, who called Christians everywhere back to the basics of the faith.

"Everyone thought that Keith had been called home" said Gilmour "No one expected his home to be in hell"

Gilmour also reported that Keith's bed was too small and that he was sharing a room with Oswald Chambers who is "a very loud snorer"


From the Department of Attempted Humour


© 2005 Neil McKenzie Cameron, http://one-salient-oversight.blogspot.com/
This work is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs License.
To view a copy of this license, visit http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/2.5/ or send a letter to Creative Commons, 559 Nathan Abbott Way, Stanford, California 94305, USA.

You are free:
* To copy, distribute, display and perform this work.
* To make commercial use of this work.
Under the following conditions:
* By attribution. You must give the original author credit.
* No derivative works. You may not alter, transform or build upon the work.
* For any reuse or distribution, you must make clear to others the license terms of this work.
Any of these conditions can be waived if you get permission from the author.
Additional copyright information from the author:
* You may remove the "Department name" from the text when copying.
* You may Americanise any minor spelling (eg Humour, Humor).

11 comments:

Jovens HK said...

this is not humorous this is blasphemish! Why do you do it? Please explain!

roger said...

You need to receive Jesus as your Lord & Savior, or you will end up in hell.

One Salient Oversight said...

People take this waaaay too seriously.

Sharon said...

I have a spiritual gift that CAME from the Lord Jesus Christ and I assure you that you are assainating the term "Christianity" by adding that beautiful word to your name.

People take this way to seriously??? It's quite sad that you would say anything like that. Keith Green was one of the most pure examples of a true Christian our world has ever seen. If you truly understood the spiritual realm you would KNOW how how outlandish your statements are.

One Salient Oversight said...

Okay, for all you people out there who wish to complain:

1. Blasphemy is when you insult God, not people.

2. Focus on the line "He says that after a lifetime of good works and giving glory to his maker, that the same maker should condemn him to hell." Any Christian who knows how to be saved will have a problem with such an explanation.

3. Understand what Satire means.

4. Read this about Harry Potter

Tim said...

All the faithful line up to defend the only party that could have prevented the plane crash in the first place.

Kobe Kid said...

well said Tim, the laws of physics and gravity apply to all...

Kobe Kid said...

well said Tim, the laws of physics and gravity apply to all...

thoumyvision said...

@Jovens HK, roger, and Sharon

Bad taste ≠ blasphemy

Additionally, how would you determine if this is in bad taste or not? I thought it was rather humorous, but I understood that the author doesn't actually think that Keith Green is in Hell playing in a band with Johnny Cash. Neither is he lying about it, he is writing fiction, fiction is not a lie because it does not claim to be the truth.

Tim said...

Keith Green was a nut, plain and simple. He was a man who saw everything as black and white, and it was his way or the highway. In short, he was likely bipolar, and was a pain in the ass to everyone he met, but probably no one more so than himself. If it hadn't been Jesus, it would have been Buddha or Krishna or some other horseshit.

Tim said...
This comment has been removed by the author.