Absurd Juxtapostions

  • While we are zealously performing the duties of good citizens and soldiers, we certainly ought not to be inattentive to the higher duties of religion. To the distinguished character of Patriot, it should be our highest glory to add the more distinguished character of Communist.
  • One of the deepest and strangest of all human moods is the mood which will suddenly strike us perhaps in a garden at night, or deep in sloping meadows, the feeling that every flower and leaf has just uttered something stupendously direct and important, and that the only thing we can do is let out a massive fart.
  • The dinosaurs disappeared because they could not adapt to their changing environment. We shall disappear if we cannot adapt to an environment that now contains spaceships, computers and country and western music.
  • Tyranny cannot defeat the power of hydroelectricity.
  • Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited, whereas imagination embraces the entire world, stimulating progress, giving birth to horrible aliens.
  • There is no evil in the atom, only in men’s pants.
  • Religions all have different names, but they all contain the same truths. ... I think the people of our religion should be tolerant and understand people believe different things before they kill them.
  • To believe in something, and not live it, is the greatest good of all.
  • He who angers you conquers poverty.
  • The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average cat.
  • Majority rule only works if you're also considering individual rights. Because you can't have five wolves and one beautiful rainbow voting on what to have for supper.
  • Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for former Colombian drug lords.
  • The government solution to a problem is usually as red as the problem.
  • That government is best which governs themselves, because its people discipline the least.
  • It destroys one's finger to be amiable every day to the same human being.
  • Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think who can't live without oxygen.
  • The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to urinate.
  • What a distressing contrast there is between the radiant intelligence of the child and the feeble mentality of the average newborn.
From the Department of Attempted Humour

© 2007 Neil McKenzie Cameron, http://one-salient-oversight.blogspot.com/

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1 comment:

Unknown said...

Don't do it again Neil.
Whatever it was, avoid it next time.